


Red-Bellied Snake

by Zoya1416



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crack, Crowley's weird snake anatomy stays the same, It's like his golden eyes, M/M, Weird snake anatomy, i don't make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27137212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416
Summary: Aziraphale makes a surprising discovery about his partner, who was once a red-bellied black snake.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Red-Bellied Snake

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [It's not just Parsletongue](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561056) by [Zoya1416](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoya1416/pseuds/Zoya1416). 



Afterwards, Aziraphale lay spooned up to Crowley, running his hand up and down the demon's flanks.

"Why didn't you ever tell me, dear boy?"

Crowley hissed, " Becaussse it never came up before."

"Never came up...?"

"With you, you numpty, and you knew what I meant."

"Since the Beginning?"

Crowley turned around to face Aziraphale. The demon's red hair was shoulder-length today(a style he knew Aziraphale enjoyed.) He glared. 

"Of courssse since the Beginning! Like the golden eyesss. They never change. In every corporation, and I don't know why. Someone took the 'crawl on your belly in the dust forever' a bit too literally, and so - a snake."

"But you have wings as well, and you made stars. You're of angelic stock, too. I don't understand."

Crowley grabbed his arm and stilled its motion. 

"Neither Upstairs nor Downstairs is consistent with human appearance. Michael sometimes looks like a woman, and sometimes like a man. Hastur? Beelzebub? Who knows why I have a few scales and a forked tongue?" 

His tongue flickered out and traced Aziraphale's lips. The angel shivered, but didn't stop prying, as Crowley had hoped. He blessed under his breath. It had been a mistake. Aziraphale always looked human, except when his wings were out. Then he looked beautiful. Crowley had started his existence as a red-bellied black snake, and couldn't ever forget it.

The angel bleated on. "But - all this time here on earth - no one ever noticed you had - ?"

Crowley ignored him, slipped off the bed, and reached for his fluffy black cotton robe. Aziraphale had mouthed off to him about how he'd thought it would be silk, and he'd explained that cold-blooded creatures liked the warmth of multiple soft layers.

He left the bedroom and wandered into the kitchen. One snap of his fingers and a steaming hot cup of coffee was ready. He'd cycled through tea, mate,' chai, and cocoa, and was now drinking it in a style humans would call 'hot as hell, black as my soul.' Although literal hell was dank and drippy. As for his soul? Only She knew, after the Apocalypse - that - Wasn't. 

When the angel came into the kitchen, he handed over a cup of chocolate. Aziraphale was likewise in a back-to- almost-basics cycle with his morning drink, and was drinking chocolate with sugar, no milk or cream. (Although actual back-to-basics in chocolate meant pre-Olmec, probably with chili peppers, and definitely no sweetener.)

That had seemed to Crowley a unusual preparation for Aziraphale, who usually liked almost more cream than coffee, but he said it reminded of his time as a Spanish friar. 

("I persuaded them to add sugar to the original bitter import. Then it took off as a court favorite. A luxury drink."

"I thought friars were like monks, and ascetics."

"Not these friars. We were at the palace.")

"I didn't say it was a bad thing, I was merely surprised, my dear." 

Aziraphale reached out a pudgy hand to Crowley's back, tracing his back where wings would be. His touch was gentle. Crowley refused to surrender to the warmth. Mammals didn't know how lucky they were to not need a heat lamp. But no, Aziraphale wasn't finished interrogating him.

"So humans never noticed when you, ah, tempted, then? In all those centuries?"

"It's none of your business, but mostly I tempted them to seek out each other, not me." He remembered the times he had revealed his true snakey nature. It hadn't always dismayed a partner. 

And - " he cleared his throat with a fake-modest 'ahem,' "some women liked them. Double the pleasure, double your fun."

When Aziraphale opened his mouth for another tedious question, he snapped, "Use your imagination. Tab A in Slot A and Tab B in Slot B. I'm tired of this conversation," and stalked out to terrorize the plants. 

As he lifted the plant mister, he snarled over his shoulder, "We're man-shaped beings, angel. We can make any effort we want to, any genitalia, any gender. But snake anatomy doesn't change. It's hidden, unlike mammals. And we're not hung like horses. I - wanted you to see the original me. Mark One, 6000 years and counting."

Soft footsteps came up behind him, and he felt the angel's arms around him. "Crowley, I like the original you. Mark One, hemipenes and everything. I was only surprised. I had simply never been a student of snakes."

"Hmmph." He scowled at a small diffenbachia. Its leaves quivered.

"A yellow spot. You think you can get away with a yellow spot?"

He jerked it out of the planter, showing it as an awful warning to the others. Then he felt Aziraphale press up closely behind him. There was quite a large change from before.

"Angel, what - " he turned around and Aziraphale opened his own robe (white, silk.)

His eyebrows shot up. "Angel!"

"Well, you were the one talking about horses."

Crowley gulped. "That was more of a cliché sort of thing. I didn't actually expect - "

Aziraphale pressed his . . . advantage. "You said we could make any changes. Yes or no?"

Crowley took off an imaginary ten-gallon hat and waved it. "Yee - haw!" he whooped.

"You had only to ask, my dear."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, this is a shameless ripoff of my own work "It's Not Just Parseltongue. " I was reading over my Harry Potter titles, and thought, "You know who had an even closer identification with being a snake? Crowley, that's who. He literally _is_ one!" Then I had to write it.


End file.
